Disclaimer: We don’t own Twilight *sighs* but we do own Possessiveward’s pain and suffering.
Thanks to all of our pre-readers and our beta Ninmesarra! You are AMAZING ladies! To all of our readers, thanks for staying with us through this roller coaster ride. Thank you so much for those of you who have favorited our story, put it on alert and for all of our reviews. We love to hear what you think about the story and all of the characters and their “faults.”
When I woke up, the pain in my knee was actually almost bearable; the pain in my chest however was another story. I reach for the button of the best invention ever and it is fucking gone! I turn my head and the morphine pump isn’t in my room. The pain in my chest intensifies immediately. I can’t stand it. I need something, anything to make this shit go away. I grab the call button.
“Nurse’s desk, how may I help you?”
“I’m in pain dammit! Where the hell is the morphine machine?! I need something and I need something now!”
“Your nurse will be there as soon as possible, Mr. Cullen.”
“She fucking better be!” I close my eyes and try to breathe deeply. I can’t stand this. I can feel every part of my body start to shake. I need to calm down. I need to forget... to forget everything. I start to grind my teeth together to fight through this. I grind so hard, that I can feel pain along the length of my jaw.
I don’t know how long I sat there waiting for relief, when fucking sex on legs walks in my door.
“Where the fuck is the morphine machine, Nurse Hale?” I spat this out between my clinched teeth.
“Edward, your father had it removed early this morning. He decided to change your medication. “ She raises her hand showing me a little white, paper cup. She walks beside the bed, pours me a cup of water, then hands me the pill. “This is a 10 mg Norco. It contains hydrocodone and acetaminophen. You can take one to two pills, every four to six hours as needed, for your pain.”
I turn over the paper cup in my hand, looking at the yellowish pills. “These tiny pills are really going to help me with this fucking pain, Rosalie? I can hardly even breathe, I’m hurting so badly.”
“Yes, Edward.” I swear she rolled her eyes at me, but what the fuck do I know? All I can focus on is the pain. I want it to go away and I will do anything and everything to make that pain go away, as soon as I possibly can. I toss the pills in my mouth and she hands me my water. Immediately there is a metallic aftertaste in my mouth.
“This tastes God fucking awful. How long long until this medicine starts to relieve my pain? I’m fucking hurting something bad and I need relief now, not ten damn years from now.”
She purses her blood red painted lips at me and takes a deep breath before answering me. I will be so glad when I can get the fuck out of this hell hole.
“It obviously won’t work immediately. In 30 minutes to an hour, you should start feeling relief. It will obviously make you groggy and possibly dizzy, so if you need to get up for any reason, please make sure to hit your call button so someone can come help you.”
“Thanks.” I close my eyes and hope this little yellow pill is my key to escaping the feelings that are overwhelming me. I wait to hear the door and nothing. I open one eye and see fuck-hawt staring at me. She clears her throat.
“Your dad and your new Orthopedic doctor, Dr. Zafrina Richardson, will be in to see you in a little while.”
I roll my eyes. “Wonder-fucking-ful. Another asshole to poke and prod on my injured body. Just what I wanted.” The sarcasm is pouring off of me in tsunami sized waves.
“Well, okay, you’re just going to be your usual cheerful self today, huh? Just push the button if you actually need something, Edward.” I watch as Rosalie and her ultra sexy ass strut out the door. The man who taps that, is one lucky son of a bitch.
As the door finally closes, I wait for what seems like forever for mellow-yellow to kick in and when it does, hot damn. This is some good shit. Almost as good as the magical morphine. I don’t know what I was complaining about before. I can’t wait to see how long this lasts. I’m in my body but I’m not in my body. I put my hand in front of my face and I’ll be damned if I’m seeing not double, but triple. This is better than my best drunk. Nothing is hurting me right now. The pain that she doesn’t want me anymore, is shadowed by the intense punch of the meds. I’m back to my invincible self. Right now, I can survive without Bella. My last thought before Mellow Yellow, my believed friendly pill and number of all types of pain knocked me out with its sledge hammer-like strength was, “This is just what I needed.”
What feels like only seconds later, I’m being very rudely awakened by none other than my father.
“Edward, son, you need to wake up. Dr. Richardson is here to examine you.”
“What the fuck, dad? Can’t you see I’m sleeping here?!”
“Sorry,” I mumble back. I’m really not sorry, but what the hell. I’ll be nice for once. Yellow still has me feeling pretty mellow at this point.
“I’m Dr. Richardson, Edward. Your dad brought me in to consult with your case. Do you mind?” She nodded towards my injured knee.
“Knock yourself out, Doc.” I put my hands back behind my head and close my eyes, as I am being subjected to this torture yet again. It is like someone is sticking a fucking serrated knife in my leg and keeps turning and digging it in with the force of a canon ball. She starts to move my leg this way and that. “Fuck!” I yell at her.
“I’ve reviewed your scans and x-rays. Edward, it looks like mobility will be OK. Your range of motion is pretty good considering the extent of your injury. In a few days we will want to get you started in physical therapy, because we don’t want to have any atrophy occurring in your muscles.”
“How long do you think he will need physical therapy?” Dad asks.
“Physical therapy is likely to last at least a few months. The important thing is for Edward to allow himself to heal. That is going to take time. If he does too much too fast, he could cause permanent damage.”
“What about football? I’m being recruited by USC as a possible quarterback. They will want to do a physical before they let me sign. I have to be in top form or they won’t accept me. We are talking one of the top ranked teams in the BCS!”
“Only time will tell for sure, Edward. If you follow orders from me and your physical therapist and not push things too far too fast, I don’t see a reason why you can’t make a full recovery.”
“What about going home? I am so tired of being here. There’s no rest for the wicked, ya know?”
“We will be sending you home with crutches and don’t want you to put weight on the leg yet. I will talk to your physical therapist, Felix Walker, to see if we can get you scheduled the day after tomorrow for your assessment and your first session. Dr. Cullen, if we were to send him home tomorrow do you think there would be any problems?”
“No, I think everything should be fine. He will definitely need pain meds for a while.”
“You prescribed Norcos, right?”
“Yes, Dr. Richardson. He started those this morning. How are they working for you, son?”
“Seems to give me quite a bit of relief so far, Dad.” It is doing so much more for me than relieving pain from the gunshot, but that shit’s between me and the new love of my life Mellow Yellow.
“Edward, since your dad agrees, I think you can go home tomorrow. I will send instructions with you, but you really don’t need them since your dad knows everything I will be going over with you, when you are discharged. Make sure to follow the instructions for taking your pain meds as you need them. There is no reason for you to be hurting when we can do something about it. Do you have any questions for me?”
“So, I will be able to play right? I have to play football. I can’t imagine doing anything else-- at all.”
“Edward, there are no guarantees in life at all. Like I told you, from reviewing your records and examining you today, if you follow the guidelines and exercises from your therapist, you should be back on the field in a few months at the latest.” I nodded my head at her. “I look forward to seeing it too. I haven’t missed one of the Spartans games this season. You are a phenomenal quarterback and USC would definitely be lucky to have you on their team. So kick this injury’s ass and get back out there. I would love to see you with a national championship ring some day.”
“I would like nothing better than to make that happen-- for both of us, Doc,” I grin my crooked smile at her and she smiles back.
“Take care, Edward. We will do a follow-up in my office in two weeks to see how the physical therapy is working for you.”
“Thank you so much, Dr. Richardson,” dad says, and lady Doc leaves my room. “Son, I will leave you to get some more rest. How’s the pain?”
“Not good. All that poking and prodding didn’t help things at all.” He grabbed my chart and flipped through it. “It looks like you can have more pills now. I will send Nurse Hale in with your next dose.” He laid his hand on my arm. “How is everything else, Edward?”
“It’s just there, dad. It’s there all the motherfucking time. It hurts so fucking much. I’m trying not to think too much about it because, shit, I don’t know how to live without her. I still can’t believe that she said she doesn’t love me anymore.”
“You were together a long time. You can’t get over your first love overnight, Edward. We are all here for you. You know that, right?”
“I know. I just wish I could talk to her. I’ve tried and tried to call her and she hasn’t answered me. If I could just talk to her, I know I could make her understand. I know I said some shit that I shouldn’t have said to her. I know I’ve done a lot of fucked up things that have hurt her. I’ve hurt her more than the fucking bullet that tore my leg to hell. I need her to forgive me. I know I can get her to forgive me. We can find a way to make this right. We can get back together. I just know it.” I saw dad take a deep breath and really look at me. I know that look and know it well. It is a sign that the worst ever fucking news is about to be sent my way, with the impact of an atomic blast.
“E, you can’t. You can’t contact her at all. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to tell you this, but you have to stay away. She’s got a restraining order against you, son. That order says no contact of any kind, period.” I feel the tightness increase again in my chest and try to breathe through it.
“Why?” Is that even my fucking voice? There is no way that this is my life because, Jesus, she’s my girl. I worship her with everything that I am and she doesn’t want me near her. How can this be? She doesn’t want me to call her, to be with her at all?! This can’t be my life.
“She had bruises all over her arms the day of the shooting, E.”
“She’s everything to me, she’s everything. She’s gotten into my head, my heart. That’s where she is going to stay forever. She is a burning in my soul, dad. Did she say that I hurt her? I love her so fucking much. I would never, ever, hurt her.” It was hard to remember much of what happened that day. What had I done to her, that could have caused her to put a restraining order on me?
“The bruises were hand shaped, E. She couldn’t have done those to herself. Charlie, well, we were lucky that he didn’t try to press charges against you or something, since you hurt his daughter.”
“So, it’s over, really over? For good?”
“Edward, yes, it is. It’s over.” I don’t know what to say. What can I say? She’s gone. Fuck my life. I close my eyes tight to try to control the flood of emotions sweeping through my broken body, my broken heart. “Son?”
“Dad, I can’t talk about this fucked up mess known as my life right now. My leg’s hurting like hell. Can you please get my medicine for me? Please.”
“I will have her bring it right down.” He looks at me with sorrow filled eyes. “Edward...”
“Not now, OK. I just need something to take the edge off this pain that I’m feeling. That examination hurt like a fucker.” He heads out the door and I run my hands through my hair. “Shit fuck. Dammit all to hell!”
I shift in the bed trying to get comfortable, but I know that the one thing that will really give me comfort, is now forever out of my reach. Just the thought makes my heart clinch excruciatingly in my chest. I can’t believe that it’s come to this. My love for her began with such promise, and now look at this twisted fucking train wreck known as my life.
The door opens and here is my newest angel to bless me with her presence. Not my hot nurse, but the paper cup that is filled with my own personal heaven.
“Here you go, Edward.” Rose hands me the key to my much needed escape from life as I know it, and I toss it back with no hesitation at all. “Do you need anything else?”
“Nah, I’m good. I just need to stop hurting and I need to get some fucking sleep.”
“You know the drill. Hit the call button if you need something.” There is that tone that I was waiting for; my dear little nurse is being a bitch-- again. I try to make my mind run away from here as fast as I can, but it won’t shut down. At. All. Wonder-fucking-ful.
I wait for my best friend to make me forget this shit filled existence, that is now that only thing that I know. I pull out one of my pillows and cover my face.
“Bella,” I whisper. A single tear falls down my cheek. My heart is in pieces and I know it will never heal and it’s my own fucking fault. I’ve made mistake after mistake. Here I am lying awake and sleepless. So, this is what a heart sounds like when it breaks. There is nothing here to help me find my way. Nothing. Bella was my light, my addiction. Now, I’m left here in the darkness. “Do you think I deserve this, Bella!” I scream into the pillow. “I’ve done everything I can to make you happy. Since the day I met you, it was always you. I did everything I could to treat you the way you deserved to be treated. You were my heart. It’s shattered. You’ve destroyed it. You’ve destroyed me.”
I’m in the kitchen and my hands are ginormous, beyond huge! I need to cut the cucumbers for the salad. Before I can grab the knife and begin, the timer on the oven goes off. I go to the oven and remove a batch of muffins. As I set them on the counter, I notice that these muffins are perfect, so hot and moist.
I go back to cut the cucumbers and as I reach for it, it won’t move, at all. Odd. I look over and I don’t have a cucumber in my hand, it’s a fucking unicorn’s horn, which is still attached to the unicorn.
The unicorn looks at me with disgust in its eyes. It steals a muffin off the counter and saunters away.
“Weirdest fucking dream, ever,” I say, as I wake up groggy. And before I can process what the fuck that just meant, I’m asleep again.
I’m awakened from my peaceful getaway with my beloved Mellow Yellow, by my giggling sister. Damn lil pixie!
“Edward, you’re awake! I’ve got sooooo, sooooo much to tell you!”
I clicked the control on the bed to raise my head up, so I can at least look like I’m paying attention.
“What’s up, Ally?” Her chipperness never ceases to amaze me.
“You’d never guess in a million years!”
“Ally, I’m tired and I’m hurting. Can we hurry this story the fuck up, so I can go back to sleep?”
“Well, Jasper and I were in the kitchen at home, getting ready to leave for our date...” I have to shake my head.
“What the fuck did you just say?!”
“Jasper and I went out last night. On. A. Date.” She grins wickedly at me. I’ve never seen her smile so bright. It almost hurts my eyes to look at her, she is so fucking cheerful.
“You. Jasper. A date. A real date. I don’t fucking think so. That shit is so not happening again.”
“You are not my dad, Edward. I can see who I want, when I want. Besides, I love Jasper and he loves me. Oh. My. God. His lips are like....”
“Whoa, Ally. Way too much fucking information for me. So you two seem to think you are in love, huh?”
“No seeming, E. While everyone has been here with you, he’s been taking care of me. He even made me my favorite breakfast.”
“What!? What breakfast? What the hell was he doing at the house at breakfast time? I’m going to rip his damn head off of his shoulders and shove it up his ass!”
“No, wait, E. Nothing happened, despite all my attempts to the contrary.” She blows out an exasperated breath. “He tucked me into bed and slept in Emmett’s room you miserable, whining prick. I woke up to the aroma of waffles the next morning. Not just any waffles, but my Mickey Mouse waffles! He brought me flowers and everything before the date...” She is talking so fast it is hard to keep up with what she was saying. My best friend and my sister...I think I may have just vomited in my mouth a little bit.
“And then while we were kissing, Emmett comes in and gets all pissy, like you are right now. He got in Jasper’s face and was going to start some shit. I grabbed a hold of his earlobe and pulled.” I flinched. When Alice pulls on your ear, you will wish for death. Death would be easier than Alice’s grip on your ears when she’s pissed off. She’s a tiny thing, but holy shit! That ear tug brings us to our knees every single time!
“And, when he dropped to the floor, I noticed something on his collar. It was lipstick, E! Bright red; the reddest ever! When I asked him about it, he wouldn’t tell me who the girl was. But his face turned as red as the lipstick on his collar! It was fucking priceless!” Alice chuckles into her hands and the door swings open to my dearly beloved twin.
“Emmett and his girlfriend sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G....” Emmett grabs Alice and puts her in a headlock, rubbing his knuckles through her hair. She slaps his hands away.
“You ass! You know I don’t like to have my hair messed with!” She slaps him again, as she gets up.
“Lipstick on the collar, huh, Em?” I ask. “Who is the lucky lady that you are porking?”
“E, man, leave me the hell alone, OK! Yes, there is someone, and it’s fucking serious. I’ve never felt like this before and right now this is mine and hers, and it’s no one else’s damn business.” He glances over his shoulder at Alice, who is enjoying this tirade a little too much. “When and if we want you fuckers to know, we will tell you! Got it?” He pokes his finger in my chest. His face is so red, I could almost see the smoke steaming from his ears. I wonder if his current face color is the same as the lipstick wearing hussy he’s shagging.
“Mother fucker. Keep that damn finger to yourself, or I will rip it off and shove it up your dick! You cocksucker!” I shove his hand away from me.
“Damn, Em. Calm down already. You know we love to mess with you. If you want to keep it to yourself, we won’t pry... much, that is.” Alice giggles...again.
“OK, good. So, E, man, how you feeling? Any idea yet when you are going to blow this joint?”
“Still in a lot of pain, but Dr. Richardson, the Orthopedic doctor said that I can go home tomorrow. They are going to start me on physical therapy the next day. Oh, that will be Friday. Fun. Fun. Fun...not!” My door swings open, yet again. This is fucking ridiculous! Enough already! People leave me the hell alone.
“Edward, I’m just going to check your vitals and your bandage real quick and then let you visit with your family.” She forces a smile at me, as she prepares to take my temperature. Then, she takes my blood pressure and changes the gauze on my leg. “Everything is looking good. I heard through the grapevine, you get to go home tomorrow.”
“Yes, I am going to soar like an eagle to my house and to my comfy bed, where I will be free from your fondling hands.” I wink at her. She shot me a pretty damn good. “go to hell” look and begins to leave. Alice stops her.
“Rosalie, right?” Ally asks. Rose looks at her and answers back.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Are you from Forks?”
“Born and bred here. I can’t seem to get away.”
“Forks is funny like that, sometimes.” Alice smiles at her. “I really like your lipstick. I wonder if I can pull it off. What shade is that?” This is so our Ally. She’s never met a stranger.
“It’s M.A.C., Cockney.” I stifle a laugh at that. What an apt name for lipstick “cock”-ney, luscious red lips wrapping around my long cock...uh huh, definitely a HOT name, if I’ve ever heard one.
“Oh, I just love it. How long does it last? Does it rub off easily?” Why is Emmett shifting back and forth on his feet and looking mighty damn uncomfortable? He shouldn’t give a rat’s ass about lipstick durability.
“It’s definitely long-lasting. I can wear it all day and drink a cup of coffee, after cup of coffee, and it stays put.”
“That’s pretty impressive! Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Alice, right?”
“Yes, it’s been nice chatting with you, Rosalie. I hope we get to do it again sometime and soon. I think we will be great friends. We can talk about our boyfriends and everything.” Rosalie paled.
“Um, I don’t know about that, Alice. I’m a pretty private person.” Rosalie leaves abruptly, and Alice comes to my bedside.
“Well, E, it’s been nice chatting with you. We probably should head out so you can chill. Can’t wait ‘til you are back home tomorrow.” She kisses me on the cheek and grabs Emmett’s hand. “Come on, Em. Let’s go home. I’m sure we will have tons and tons to talk about in the car.” She leads him out the door.
“Later, E,” Emmett said.